A New Name

 

God has been so good to me and as part of His molding and changing me He has blessed me beyond measure and gave me a new name.

I was married October 4, 2014 to an amazing Godly man, a gift from God, Henry… and now my new name is officially, legally, and spiritually, Mrs. Jessica Elaine Bull. When I began my Blog “A New Creation” I wanted to share my journey with Christ for His glory and also inspire others to change as I did.  As one chapter ends and a new one begins I wanted to share some of my favorite thoughts in one place. In this post I will share pieces of all my past blogs along with some current thoughts as I reflect and praise our God for the goodness in my life. I will be moving on to a new blog click here to view and continue to share my journey in Christ with my new name at the forefront.  I hope you enjoy reading this reflection as much as I enjoy sharing it.

“I Am Changed” for full post click here

“I’ll never forget the moment my life changed. I still remember what row and exact chair I

was sitting in. My friend made me go to church on a Saturday night

in January of 2012. Quite honestly, it was the last place I wanted to be.

When Pastor Rick asked those who wanted to get right with God to raise their hands, I

didn't just raise mine; I ran up to the front, desperate for something different in my life. I

discovered Jesus was the only answer. I gave my heart to Christ that night and, with it, I

surrendered control of my life. I was baptized the following weekend.

While I was in the water and my video testimony played, Pastor Bruce told me, “You

are part of a new story Jes. The old is gone and you are new.” These words are forever

ingrained in my soul. The idea that I could actually be free from my past still brings me

to tears. When I went in the water I let go of my past and came up feeling new. Pastor

Bruce was right.”

It is almost hard to believe this was over three years ago. I recently began a new job and I was taken back by the questions they asked me in my series of interviews.  When I was asked what was the number one achievement in my life… this was the moment I shared. This will always be my number one achievement in life...it was when my life truly began.

“It doesn't matter… It’s in the past” for full post click here

“Until I met Jesus and accepted Him in my heart I did not know myself. See, things in this world can damage a person. They damaged me. Haunting memories of my past mistakes led me to believe I was unworthy and did not deserve to be loved.  I honestly believed that each time I messed up, I received a “bad-girl” notch in my "headboard of life".  I believed I was “damaged goods” and hated myself. You ever feel that way? You ever do something so out of the ordinary and then consume yourself with so much hatred that you couldn't even look in the mirror? I have. I admit it. I am human and I made a LOT of mistakes in my life.”

This is a constant battle for me still. It is so easy to dwell on things I did or things that have happened it me or to get caught up in what other people still think about things I did years ago or even things i did days ago.   But i am learning more and more every day to just let it go. It really doesn’t matter...when it is in the past… as long as you are learning from it. And thankfully I LOVE to learn! This helps me focus on the promises of tomorrow and not on the errors of yesterday. Some days are easy and almost error free and some days are tough and I feel like I can’t get anything right. But I know that each day presents itself with a new chance to strive for more and I try to focus on that.

“I Am Changed” for full post click here

Today I was thinking about CHANGE...man I used to fear that word and everything associated with it. To CHANGE meant to get uncomfortable and step outside my box.  The thing is, my box used to contain items such as, laziness, excuses, bad habits, poor decision making, and a bunch of darkness.  Isn’t it funny how that box did not contain anything good but it seemed easier to stay put? I have been told that people don’t change until they get uncomfortable enough with their current situation that they are forced to change.  Even bad things can seem more comfortable but only because you get used to it.  Soon you are living in a vicious cycle of darkness feeding darkness and bad feeding bad; but hey to change means to challenge yourself and step  out of your zone. In order to do that it would take effort! Why not wait until you have no choice but to move in a different direction because you are so dang miserable? So why even try…right?  WRONG!

My most favorite thing now is to feel uncomfortable. I learned that if I am facing my fears and challenging myself into a positive direction it is not going to feel good at first.  In fact, in most cases, it just plain sucks…a LOT. But the end result is so triumphant and glorious! Knowing I overcame something is one of the biggest joys in my life!

Even today I am learning how easy it is to step back into that box and close the lid. It is so easy to not stick to the nutrition plan, to not make the effort to show my husband I love him, to not call or text the friend on my heart, etc...etc… It takes effort and being intentional and an every day recognition that I will feel uncomfortable today IF I want to grow.  

“Let’s Talk About Sex...” for full post click here

It has been over a year now since I have had sex and I have made the commitment to wait until marriage before having sex again. See, I am worth more, so I vow not only for God, but for my future husband and also...for myself...because I am worth it.

I now lean on God for definition of who I am and to feel loved and I am in constant awe of how amazing it feels to be pure in body, mind, and spirit. I now have clarity in so many other areas of my life as I am not bogged down by this destructive tendency. I broke out of the pattern and clung onto what is REAL and what is TRUE, and for the first time in my life as far as I can remember...I LOVE myself and I feel LOVED. God loves me and THAT is what matters. And now I am able to leave the door open for a man to love me, actually love me, not my body, not my sex...but ME.

Of all things, this is what I am happiest and most thankful for. Sex was such a problem for me in the past and was almost an iconic thing that at one point I figured I would just fall back into and mess up again.  It was through God’s strength that I was able to maintain my purity and save myself, my new self, for my husband on our wedding night.  Nothing will ever take that moment away from me, from us. I will forever be grateful for our decision and God’s provision for us to wait to have sex.

There is so much I want to include in my “favorite” past posts. But.. let’s be honest… this is long enough already.  Thank you to my faithful readers and support of friends and family. Thank you to my best friend, my husband Henry for your encouragement and push to finally start writing again. And most of all… Thank you God for giving me things to share. Please continue to follow my journey in my next chapter on my new page Jessie Bull.  

Blessings,

xoxo

Jessie

Are You Living Your Calling?

It has been a LONG time since I have taken the time to write a post, so today I was sitting here thinking of how amazing God is and I had to stop everything I was doing and share it with all of you. I will warn you, this may be a bit of a long one. God has been so good and amazing, it just doesn't feel right to not share it all in one shot.

CPLC Orientation

When I first started considering CPLC (Christ's Place Leadership College click here for more information on CPLC) my life looked a lot different. I worked full time and money was my main focus. I needed to make the buck to buy things and pay bills. I had to have the nicest clothes and the best furniture and the most important thing for me was to create a nice home for myself and a sense of belonging so I could feel like I had accomplished the great and could walk around feeling like I had "arrived". I was more concerned with how other people viewed me that I measured my self worth by comparing my personal inventory stock of things, a car, clothes, and anything materialistic that could be measured and compared. These things defined me and made me who I was. I was happy in a general sense. I was on an incredible journey of chasing after God and volunteering in my free time at church in various areas, but I could not shake this unsettling feeling that there was more out there for me...a purpose...a calling.
When I made the decision to literally give up EVERYTHING I had worked years for, to do something that on paper made no sense, I was afraid. I didn't want to sell all my stuff but I had to so I could afford tuition and living expenses. I didn't want to give up my job but in order to attend school Monday-Thursday all day it was necessary. I fought every avenue of what I wanted to chase this feeling that there was more. That feeling was bigger than my stuff, bigger than my job and bigger than myself...It was a calling. A calling to ministry. and it made no sense whatsoever. But I did it anyways.
Going into CPLC I had the idea and picture painted in my head that since I was following my calling it would all be a breeze process from there. That making the decision was going to be the difficult part. I couldn't have been more wrong. Even the first day of orientation I was shocked because I sat there in this room where I was supposed to be excited yet I again was troubled by an unsettling feeling. At the last minute a week before classes started, I changed my focus of study from Church Leadership to Student Ministry. I was totally freaking out but again just had to trust that feeling I had inside. I knew I was called to impact youth and young adults and knew it was time to face my insecurities and go with it. So I did.

But then I just had that feeling again

that feeling that I had to just keep going

that no matter what God would see me through. 

So I kept going.

That was just the first of many surprises throughout the year. The fantasy of the happy seamless journey of following my calling was anything but. I moved from place to place, couch to couch, even ended up on the floor on an air mattress. I was thankful for each blessing provided, at least I had a roof over my head and the biggest blessing of all was second semester when a family took me in and I actually got a bed in a room with a door to close! But to say the process was easy would be a lie. I remember at one point when I was staying in my best friends living room sharing space and a bathroom with her and her two kids and saying to myself..."at least I have my health" then that too took a fast decline. In that period of time I was super close to a breakdown. In fact, I had many breakdown moments. I wanted to quit, I wanted money, I wanted stability, I wanted a home, a husband, a life...I was in this school feeling so out of place and so old watching all my friends my age live their life with their husbands, their kids, their homes, their money, their health insurance...I was once again comparing and felt like I had nothing and I wanted to quit, I wanted to give up. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it then in that moment! I was sick and tired and sick of being sick and tired. But then I just had that feeling again...that feeling that I had to just keep going...that no matter what God would see me through. So I kept going.

God was teaching me that what I WANT and what I NEED are not the same thing. And that no matter what He will always take care of me. And truly the only thing I NEED is Him.

What I learned through that very hard time was that even though it felt like I had nothing and I was very near a breaking point...I had enough. God was teaching me that what I WANT and what I NEED are not the same thing. And that no matter what He will always take care of me. And truly the only thing I NEED is Him. The proof in that is that I am here today writing to you able to tell you about it.

Things began to look up second semester. As I mentioned above, a wonderful family took me in and blessed me with my own space and a bed and a loving environment to live in and feel secure in. I never really did have tons of money and there were days where I didn't know how I would buy food or pay my phone bill or put gas in my car, but I knew God was in control and somehow there was always enough. Whether it came through a blessing from a friend, or complete stranger, a job opportunity like dressing up as Cinderella for a birthday party, filling in here and there at a car lot, or a seasonal job...there was always enough.
Also, my health was drastically improving through a blessing and opportunity to work with a nutritionist. I was feeling better than I had in years!

As things slowly improved and the blessings began to pour in, I began to reflect on my journey of feeling called to youth ministry and how it all began. I started thinking back to when I was a teenager and first began to develop a relationship with Jesus. I remembered going to Campus Life Clubs and doing Bible Studies with classmates and Campus Life Staff. I remembered how on fire for Jesus I was and how Campus Life impacted me as a student and I began to get that unsettling feeling again. So I began to investigate and reached out to a friend and pastor from church to see if there was a possibility to get plugged in there. I went through the interview and application process and before I knew it I had accepted my first ministry job! Again I was faced with some fears centering around money, as this particular job you have to fundraise your salary, but I couldn't shake the feeling that God was taking me full circle and I just needed to trust Him and follow my calling and purpose. Once again it just isn't about me, it's about God and how He can use me to impact youth and help them live changed lives through a relationship with Jesus.

(You can give your support to Jessie and her ministry with Campus Life online by clicking here and selecting Team Campus Life: Jessie Adcox under the "Add Designation" drop down menu)

Me and Henry

I have devoted the past couple years to God in matters of the heart. Made the vow to stay pure and prayed and waited for Him to send me the one He has for me in His way and in His timing. I had my moments of being very impatient with this...but overall I just trusted He would figure it out and I just kept praying about it. 

(For more on my purity journey click here to read my post "Let's Talk About Sex) 

Then out of nowhere I went to get my flat tire fixed at a friends shop and he asked me "you want to date my brother in law?" To make a long story short we had the opportunity to learn how to date the right way, how to build a relationship based on God and friendship and this coming October I get to marry my best friend Henry. I have never been happier. Henry is everything I have prayed for the past couple years and we are excited to do life and ministry together. We both will continue to pursue our minister certification through Berean School of the Bible Online. Henry will be joining me as a volunteer with Campus Life and we will both continue to volunteer together with our youth group at Christ's Place Church.

CPLC Graduation Class of 2014

Before I knew it, graduation day came June 12, 2014. It was such a bittersweet feeling as one journey was ending and a new one was about to begin. Walking across that stage and accepting my certificate of completion was an amazing feeling. As I have never really finished anything big that I had started. And with all the trials, and most of them legitimate reason to not continue CPLC, I kept going and finished strong. Graduation day is a day I will never forget. Although the process was tough I was so thankful for all the opportunities I had during those past 10 months. Some of the highlights from the year were, the opportunity to plan and speak at two girls retreats, speak a couple times at youth services, learn what it takes to lead an effective youth ministry, grow in my relationship with God, serve as a dorm leader at camp, lead a small group for middle school and high school girls, and co-lead a club at a local high school. The year was intense at best, and every step was worth it. 

(click here to listen/watch a couple of Jessie's sermons)

So where am I today? It is July and life is not perfect, but I have more than I could ask for. I finally have my own space in a wonderful apartment (thanks to my amazing fiance) I have a part time job that helps a little with the bills, and have started on staff with Campus Life. I have started my fundraising and planning for the upcoming school year and am SO excited to be able to work with an amazing staff, and reach out to students at the very school and club at Lincoln Northeast High School that first impacted me. And although at times it seems impossible, and money seems to continue to be a frustration...once again I am learning to trust God with each step, as I know he will take care of me and provide all my needs. Me and Henry are amazed at his provision in planning and providing for our wedding, and so thankful to all the blessings from family and friends, we are just in awe right now. I have all that I could ever want and everything I need. I have Jesus. I have an amazing man in my life, a new family that is more than I could have ever imagined, loving supportive friends, and the list goes on and on. But most importantly I am living my calling and my purpose and with all these things in my life none of them compare to God's love and the opportunity to fulfill his calling on my life.

The girl that used to stack rank herself based on stuff, things, finances, recognition in the work place, and, having people like me has traded all that for what really matters...PURPOSE. And it is within that purpose that all those other desires are finally truly being fulfilled. I feel like I belong, because I belong to Jesus. I feel accepted because God accepts me just as I am. I feel provided for and want for nothing because living my calling and Jesus are all I need.


What is your purpose? Are you living your calling? Is fear and hard times holding you back and preventing you from the ability to KEEP GOING even when it seems hard?

Feel free to share your thoughts and answers to those questions in the comments below.

Blessings!


Jessie

Video and Audio links to Jessie Speaking at Events

Below are the links to audio and video of Jessie speaking at various events.


Myth Busters: Good People Go To Heaven

Audio of Jessie speaking for Rock Solid Youth Group at Christ's Place Church, October 16,2013

http://youtu.be/sOmWsr7ghiM

Purity Of The Body 

Video of Jessie speaking for the young ladies in middle school and high school youth group at Christ's Place Church, February 19, 2014

http://youtu.be/V68VfrS747U

Boundaries in Purity 

Video of Jessie speaking for the Ladies Only Lock-in event, Christ's Place Church, February 21, 2014

http://youtu.be/BlB_Zr9NCtw

Positive is a CHOICE

Choices...everything is a product of our choices.

You can choose whether to be positive or negative and both will completely change your life.

I used to completely underestimate the power of the mind. I was so stuck in a negative way of thinking that it controlled my life in many aspects. If something made me sad, I would tell myself over and over “I’m sad, I’m sad, I’m sad...” eventually I was so sad I could barely get out of bed. 

I went to see a doctor looking for a solution after learning of "depression". He gave me a “get out of jail free card” in the form of medication. Not only was my “depression” excusable but any action I made as a byproduct of this “depression” was also excusable and “not my fault” thus freeing me from any kind of accountability and allowing me to behave however I wanted.  It was OK for me to stay in bed all day, it was acceptable for me to cry all the time, I was free to be lazy because I was “sad”.  I created the same pattern for my anxiety. Something would challenge my comfort zone, I would recognize it and tell myself over and over “oh no I’m worried, Oh no I am anxious, Oh no I am gonna blow” and guess what...eventually I’m worried out of my mind, so anxious I cannot breathe and freaking out to no end like a 5 year old throwing a temper tantrum. I was having “panic attacks”. And I would actually talk myself into having “panic attacks” over and over.  Once again I ran off to the doctor and I am told, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was prescribed another pill to treat my “illness”. Hooray! another get out of jail free card! The same thing happened when I began having trouble in school and focusing, I would tell myself “this is too hard, I can’t focus, I can’t focus”...eventually I can’t focus! Yet another doctor gave me another pill...another get out of jail free card. This went on for about 10 years.  I had NO accountability for anything!

I felt like I had a green light to be lazy and do whatever I wanted! I was “getting out of jail free” all the time!...My choice maker was majorly broken and this led to my severe brokenness.

I lived a large portion of my life carrying around and broadcasting a long list of “medical problems” I had. Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, just to name a few. I never took a test or received any concrete results or proof of any of these “medical problems”, and these doctors just GAVE me medication? And I was able to act however I wanted and be lazy and not learn any accountability at all??? I admit it I was all about it! I felt like I had a green light to be lazy and do whatever I wanted! I was “getting out of jail free” all the time!

The  REAL problem was in the pattern of thought I developed all on my own, within my own powers, I created this excuse making way of life and allowed it to be as such. Taking this medication really was no different than drinking alcohol or smoking pot.  Just because it was prescribed to me in the form of a pill, by a doctor, it is OK? No, no its not OK. It didn’t actually make me feel better, it masked the problem and allowed me to “get out of jail for free” in just about every aspect of life.  See, I had a choice, and I chose the easy way, the lazy way, the “medical way” I chose to feed negativity and make excuses. And all it brought me was disaster.  I could never keep a job, friends came and usually went, I failed out of school a LOT, relationships were always a disaster, and all in all I was a tragic hot mess. My choice maker was majorly broken and this led to my severe brokenness.

“You have no control over the things that happen, whether they do or do not go your way, the ONLY thing you can control is how you respond. You have a CHOICE to feed the negative or feed the positive.”  He also said “Negative out equals negative in, Positive out equals positive in; if you want good things to come your way start putting out positive energy.”

My dad is an amazing man with a genius way of thinking and incredible perspective. He told me that

Me and my dad. He is my King motivator!

“You have no control over the things that happen, whether they do or do not go your way, the ONLY thing you can control is how you respond. You have a CHOICE to feed the negative or feed the positive.”  He also said “Negative out equals negative in, Positive out equals positive in; if you want good things to come your way start putting out positive energy.”  So I made a different choice this time. NO medicine, NO negativity, NO EXCUSES! With the help of God and a renewing of my spirit I started changing the way I made choices. When things happen to me that make me sad, I recognize my sadness, let myself feel it for a moment to work through it, pray, then I make a conscious decision, I make a CHOICE to be positive, surrender it to God and overcome it. I replace the negative thoughts with positive ones and I literally tell myself over and over until it sticks “I am happy, I am happy, I am happy”... And then I am actually happy! It sounds trite, but it is literally THAT easy. I do the same thing when I feel anxious, unfocused, discouraged, and with all negative emotions, and it works EVERY TIME!

I woke up one day and decided, I made the CHOICE to change my mind, and I did, just like that!

I woke up one day and decided, I made the CHOICE to change my mind, and I did, just like that! No medicine, no negativity, no excuses, and now I am happier than I have ever been! It shows in the rest of my life too. I recently had so many job options I actually got to choose which one to work, I have a circle of friends that feed life into me, my relationship with the Lord is strong and the center of my life, I have a clear un-medicated mind, and I am starting school again in a couple weeks and have no fear of failing out this time, I will succeed...because I CHOOSE to!

Is your choice maker broken? Do you find yourself stuck in negativity ruts and feeding your own misery? I challenge you today to make a different CHOICE and change your mind! POSITIVE IN=POSITIVE OUT. You have nothing to lose, change your mind today and change your life! Send an email or leave a comment, would love for you to share your thoughts!

Blessings!

XOXO

Jessie

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.

Proverbs 12:25

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

I AM CHANGED

My Story--Published in Christ's Place Magazine (cpmag).
The cpmag is published once a year by Christ's Place. 
1111 Old Cheney Road, Lincoln, NE 68512. Copyright 2013


I was a broken girl and all I wanted was to feel loved. I chased after men, sex, smoking,
and excessive use of alcohol, trying anything to get attention and love. But it usually
just led me to a crumpled ball on my living room floor. The more I tried to fill myself with
all these things, the worse I felt. But I just kept doing it over and over. I believed I was
worthless and that the world would be better off without me in it. I honestly wanted to die.
____________________________________________________________________

I'LL NEVER FORGET THE MOMENT
MY LIFE CHANGED.
____________________________________________________________________

I’ll never forget the moment my life changed. I still remember what row and exact chair I
was sitting in. My best friend Kendra made me go to Christ’s Place on a Saturday night
in January of 2012. Quite honestly, it was the last place I wanted to be.

When Pastor Rick asked those who wanted to get right with God to raise their hands, I
didn’t just raise mine; I ran up to the front, desperate for something different in my life. I
discovered Jesus was the only answer. I gave my heart to Christ that night and, with it, I
surrendered control of my life. I was baptized the following weekend.

While I was in the water and my video testimony played, Pastor Bruce told me, “You
are part of a new story Jes. The old is gone and you are new.” These words are forever
engrained in my soul. The idea that I could actually be free from my past still brings me
to tears. When I went in the water I let go of my past and came up feeling new. Pastor
Bruce was right.
____________________________________________________________________

"THEREFORE, IF ANYONE IS IN 
CHRIST THEY ARE A NEW CREATION,
THE OLD IS GONE THE NEW IS HERE."
                                          2 Corinthians 5:17
____________________________________________________________________

I got involved at Christ’s Place right away by joining the worship choir and was instantly
overwhelmed by the way the other choir members loved me and spoke life into me. I
began to see myself as a person who could do anything!

I also joined the Starting Point Connect Group. Being in a room with other people
and talking about life and God made me comfortable for the first time. When I shared
my story, out loud, from beginning to end, something changed in me. Pastor Nathan
was one of the first people to really touch my heart. He really cared. And he made me
promise I would never date again unless he met and talked with the guy first. Such a
simple statement made me feel like I mattered.
___________________________________________________________________

WHEN I SHARED MY STORY, OUT
LOUD, FROM BEGINNING TO END,
SOMETHING CHANGED IN ME.
___________________________________________________________________

A few months later God started even deeper work in my life. Through the Scars sermon
series, messages Pastor Mike shared in choir, and getting involved in Stephen Ministry
training, God showed me I needed to re-visit my past and allow Him to heal me.

Early on in Stephen Ministry training, at the same time as the Scars series, we had a
class about people not opening up and putting on a “fake face” to appear to be OK. We
were all supposed to share a time we did that. I bawled and admitted I was doing it in
that very moment. I opened up about my lack of self worth and everyone prayed for me.
Throughout the rest of the training I was able to identify and target areas in life that I still
needed to heal and work through. The training served a dual purpose for me. I learned
to care for others, but I also had no idea it was going to heal me the way it did.

I shared my story on video for the Scars series last spring.
(click here for the link to the video and click here for the link to the Scars Sermon Series)
Just like sharing my story inStarting Point this helped me overcome my past.
As Rick said during the series, “Exposeit to dispose it.”
I began to see how it impacted others and started to develop a deep
desire to continue reaching out to people. That is when I started living my faith openly,
and writing a blog, telling my story of how Christ freed me from my past.

Being involved in church and around good people who fed life into me helped me see
my true self-worth and see myself as God sees me. I know that I matter now, and what
other people have said about me in my past doesn’t define me. What Christ says about
me is what matters - He says I can do ALL things through Him that gives me strength.
__________________________________________________________________

BEING INVOLVED IN CHURCH AND AROUND
GOOD PEOPLE WHO FED LIFE INTO ME 
HELPED ME SEE MY TRUE SELF-WORTH
AND SEE MYSELF AS GOD SEES ME. 
__________________________________________________________________

God not only saved me from myself and where my life was headed, but he taught me He
could use my experience to impact others. In this last year, I started volunteering with
Guest Services as a greeter, in Rock Solid as a youth sponsor, was commissioned as a

Stephen Minister Commissioning

Stephen Minister, continued in Worship Choir and began leading a Connect Group. In all
the areas of ministry I became involved in, it became less about serving and more about
helping others experience the love of Christ and the life change that happens in following
Him.

Before that moment my life changed in January last year, I had my own ideas for my
life, my own plans, but God had bigger and better plans. And, through this past year of
leading and growing in my relationship with Christ, God has put many people who I’ve
had the opportunity to lead to Christ.
_________________________________________________________________

I HAD MY OWN IDEAS FOR MY LIFE, MY 
OWN PLANS, BUT GOD HAD BIGGER AND
BETTER PLANS.
_________________________________________________________________

Tori's Baptism

Just recently two friends of mine were baptized at Christ’s Place and I was blessed to
be a part of their day with wet, tearful hugs as they came out of the water. Seeing first
hand the domino effect of invites that led to each of their salvations and life change, is
something that will never get old.


God continues to guide and direct me and I’m trusting His plans for my life. I am in the

Jen's Baptism

process of selling my furniture, giving up the comfort of my own space, setting aside
career plans for my life and moving in with Kendra to live on her couch. She is taking me
in so that I can follow God’s call to attend CPLC next fall in the Church Leadership Track. (click here for more information on CPLC)

I don’t know what the end of my story will be. It may just be beginning all over again. I
do know one thing: whatever it is, I will follow and trust Him for he has proved His way is better than mine.

Wherever He leads, I will follow.

The girl who came kicking and screaming, who wanted nothing to do with God, is now
devoting her life to serve Him. I wouldn’t have it any other way, for it is through Christ
that I am changed.

LET GO and LET GOD!

In today’s society we so easily define who we are based off what we have. I LOVE my stuff! I admit it I LOVE having stuff and space and things…so many things! I get a sense of achievement from stacking up my list of “I have succeeded” inventory. It makes me feel good. I also LOVE my space, my apartment, my car, my room, anywhere I can go and close a door and escape; oh how I LOVE it because it’s “mine”! I’m not saying I am not generous or that I don’t like to give. I have always had a giving heart. But at the end of the day…I could give, I could give a lot, but I still went home and had all that was mine so it was OK  I was safe, I was comfortable. I could go spend time with my best friend and her kids but when it stopped being “fun” and wasn’t in my comfort zone, I went home, closed the door and got to have all that was “mine”.  And why not, that is perfectly normal right? We all have our stuff and our space, we deserve it right? We work hard with intention to have things to provide and survive and thrive. Have a big house a fancy car nice furniture etc., etc., etc…. In the past 10 years I have worked job after job to make the big bucks so I can afford all my stuff and my space. Those jobs never lasted longer than a season and then I would jump right back in and find a different job so I could have more stuff and more space. But it just never really worked out.  I was good at these sales jobs a natural as most would say but they never lasted. And each time I defeated myself and failed to rise to the top I was left feeling inadequate once again…But I had to have my stuff so I had to find the jobs.

I first became a Christian in high school. I used to get teased because I had a bumper sticker on my car that said “No Jesus No Peace, KNOW Jesus KNOW Peace” but it didn’t bother me, some people laughed at me and called me a “Bible Beater.” I boldly shared the gospel without a second thought and remember being truly at peace and happy. A turning point moment for me was at the end of my junior year, I was going through my yearbook reading all the things my friends wrote and I remember thinking it was someone else’s book. It was page after, page after, page of people thanking me for showing them who God was and helping them to believe. I thought to myself with almost confusion and disbelief that I had an impact on so many people…and I knew God had a calling on my life, I felt this inner voice telling me I was destined for

"The more you trust your intuition,
the more empowered you become,
the stronger you become,
and the happier you become." 
- Gisele Bundchen

greatness but I wasn’t sure what that really meant or even how to process something like that. When I graduated the next year instead of trusting my gut and going after God and that feeling I had about serving Him, I went with what I knew, what was comfortable. I followed my own dreams. I ignored that inner voice telling me that I was destined for greatness beyond twirling baton, beyond going to the big university, beyond what I had planned for myself. I was too selfish and caught up in what I wanted to listen to it. So off to college I went. And I was so excited I was living my dream!

Now I do want to be clear about something; I do not think it is wrong to have goals and dreams and to go after them, we should all dream and have goals. In my case I was so consumed with what I wanted that I wasn’t listening to what God was leading me to.  And I paid many a heavy hard price for that.  Bad relationships, abuse, poor money management, one bad decision after another…you name it…I did it and it happened to me. I was so consumed with my dream that I became lost, broken, and over 13 years later and I didn’t even want to live.

The good news is, even though I turned my back on God and ignored what he was trying to tell me, He still met me where I was at. About 18 months ago I found myself on my knees desperate for a change. My best friend Kendra took me to church, kicking and screaming; it was the last place I wanted to be. I had been to church a lot off and on through the years and it didn’t ever work, so I just figured it was a waste of time and I was a lost cause.  But something happened to me that night when I found myself so uncomfortable with my brokenness that I had no choice but to change.  I re-dedicated my life to God and never looked back. It hasn’t been an easy road. I have still struggled, but that peace, that happiness I had my junior year in high school, it came back. And although I struggle I finally am truly surviving and thriving, but for real this time.

As I started to get involved with my church and learned to get comfortable not only in my faith again but in myself, I started to feel this tug on my heart again. Much like the one in high school, this voice telling me I was meant for greatness, I was meant for more, I was going to change the world. Seriously…I laughed at first…I mean ya right, Like I Jessie Adcox could change the world? I kept denying it and God kept speaking to me, He was relentless and would not give up. I started seeing people’s lives change right before my very eyes, just as mine did. 

In the bible it says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” If you read my blog you are familiar with this verse and some of my stories of this life change that happens and it’s miraculous! And I was seeing it happen all the time! God was using me to facilitate it! Actually using me to share the word and influence people. All of a sudden those pages from my high school yearbook morphed into real life happening right in front of me!

Baptizing Emily. A Life Changing moment for us both!

And then all it took was one girl, Emily, who asked me to baptize her and that small voice telling me I was meant for greatness began to yell very loud and clear! I knew…I just knew! My life was meant to help souls be saved and lives be changed.  All I want is for everyone to know that peace and happiness. Not perfection, that is impossible, but in this imperfect life, all I want is for people to have peace, happiness, and to feel loved through the love of our Savior Jesus Christ.

When I made the decision to trust God and start Christ’s Place Leadership College along with Berean Bible online courses with the intention to become a certified pastor, I knew I had to make the ultimate sacrifice and LET GO in order to LET GOD.  My best friend asked me to move in with her so I could save up for my schooling and I hesitatingly said yes because it made sense. She was going through some things and needed the support and I needed to save the money. I had planned to work my job until August and then start school. Perfect plan!  I could give a little in the form of my space, live on her couch and not have my own bedroom, save money, store my stuff and have the best of both worlds! But I wasn’t fully letting go, so it didn’t shock me when I lost my job a couple weeks after devising my perfect plan. I realized I needed to give it ALL up. I sold, gave away, or threw away everything I owned with the exception of half my clothes, some dishes, and keepsake items. My “stuff” that I love so much and my space that I treasured I needed to be rid of it because I made the choice to LET GO so I can LET GOD.

My best friend Kendra and Me at home.
Without her this all wouldn't have come together
she is truly a blessing from God.

See the thing is, I probably could have found a way to make it work, to be there for my friend, find another good paying job to get me by, stayed in my apartment, kept my stuff and stayed right where I was.  I learned something about trusting that voice that calls out to me; when I get wrapped up in my own agenda and all my “stuff” it has never turned out for the better. Most often it has led me to some of the worst places in my life. By letting go and reaching a point to by definition of most “I have nothing” I truly believe I will finally find that I have EVERYTHING.  MY “STUFF” DOESN’T DEFINE ME! And I don’t need ANY of it to see life change in people!  It doesn’t matter that I don’t have a job at the moment, it doesn’t matter that I don't have as much money as I would like. It doesn’t matter that my circumstances haven’t changed and haven’t gotten better and it doesn’t matter that it’s a harder struggle to not have my “stuff” than I thought. Whatever God is teaching me right now, whatever He has in store for me, all I know is that through it all no matter the amount of discomfort, by letting go so I can let God there is a world full of possibilities and now I am open to them. I am free to be led where he wants to take me and I have faith and truly believe that he will lead me to the greatness He destined me for.  SOULS SAVED, LIVES CHANGED. 

No we are not all called to this extreme servitude and sacrifice, but can you imagine how much better the world would be if we could all just LET GO and LET GOD more than just inside our comfort zone? Imagine how our lives would change if we focused more on other people than on our own stuff?

What can you sacrifice today? Do you LOVE your stuff, your time, your money, or your space, more than you should? As always leave a comment or send an email, would love to hear how you plan to let go and let God work in your life.

Blessings,

Jessie

XOXO

Let's Talk About Sex...

Let me tell you a story about a girl. She flirts with boys and uses her looks to get their attention. You know the girl, the one you call a slut and a whore. The one who everyone talks about and calls "easy". The girl who has a view of sex to be as meaningless as a handshake. new-age technology has made it easy for her to entice with picture texts and posting promiscuous pictures on social media. This girl would do anything to have the focus on her. Her body has become her canvas and tool to capture and maintain this spotlight. She jokes about how she is "judged" and how "a guy is a player" and "a girl is a hoe" and how it isn't right and her sexual freedom should be praised not condemned. We all know this girl. I know her all too well...I know her because...she used to be me. 

I wish I could pinpoint when my thought process changed, but I really am not sure. All I know is that I found myself one day feeling like I didn't matter. I felt unloved and invisible.  All I wanted was for people, especially men to pay attention to me and to like me. I just wanted to be loved. 

When I was in highschool I started to notice that the boys paid attention to you if you talked about sex. And even more so if you actually did it. Now, I was against premarital sex so I figured it was ok if I just acted like I would do it, then I could get the attention. Little did I know that it just didn't work that way. Through the years of high school and college I learned a lot of hard lessons and got myself into constant situations I didn't really want to be in, yet never really fought my way out of them either. That is when sex became meaningless. All I wanted was to feel loved and get attention and I sure got it. But somehow felt worse every time. So then it became a cycle..try again, feel worse, try again feel worse. It just never got better yet I was stuck doing the same thing over and over and eventually my feelings of being unloved and invisible turned to worthlessness and disgust. I hated myself. So to cope, I kept seeking and kept acting as if sex was the answer. 

I was so consumed with just wanting to feel loved I never thought about the consequences. I found myself in college and in yet another situation where I just wanted to feel important and feel loved. And I had a LOT going for me...I was successful in my competitive baton twirling career; capturing multiple State, Regional, National, and even one World Title. I was also twirling for my university...in most eyes I had it made! Yet I was dying inside. I was dying because I kept giving a little piece of myself away in my quest for love, each time...another piece...just given away, until there was almost nothing left. So here I was in the eyes of most; this happy-go lucky girl, successful, pretty, popular, people actually wanted to be me, looked up to me, and I was miserable. I was using sex as a tool for love, and instead...

I got pregnant by someone I barely knew. I was so consumed and selfish at this time in my life, I decided to have an abortion. Time went on, me and this guy dated for 3 years and I got pregnant again, and had another abortion. 

I can't begin to tell you the turmoil these decisions caused me. I never hated anyone more then I hated myself. So I stuck with what I knew...sex got me attention and made me feel loved...right? So keep doing it right? WRONG! I ended up in a few very wrong relationships over the years. I got pregnant two more times and had miscarriages with both pregnancies. 

I became somebody I couldn't even recognize. In a sandwich of self loathing and disparity to just feel loved I became so self centered and well...as someone once said to me...I was a sh*t show. I didn't know my head from my behind and it was just wrong decision after wrong decision after an even more horribly wrong decision. I was just a snowball out of control rolling at full speed down a mountain of "you suck" snow.

so lets talk about sex. 

lets talk about the girl you call a slut and a whore, a murderer, a worthless pile of crap. 

lets talk about me. 

I spent way too much of my life in misery and "looking for love in all the wrong places" and honestly I am surprised i survived. Well I used to be...

Then I met Christ. 

He saved me from myself and from my sexual sin that was slowly destroying me. He helped me see that I am loved, just the way I am. That no man on earth and no mistake from my past defines me and that if I just choose to lean on Him, He will fill me with his spirit and change my life. You call me a slut, a whore, a murderer, easy????

You can call me anything you want, because God...HE CALLS ME REDEEMED!

My Purity Ring;
Symbolizes One year of purity,
my commitment to God,
my future husband and to myself

It has been over a year now since I have had sex and I have made the commitment to wait until marriage before having sex again. See, I am worth more, so I vow not only for God, but for my future husband and also...for myself...because I am worth it. 

I now lean on God for definition of who I am and to feel loved and I am in constant awe of how amazing it feels to be pure in body, mind, and spirit. I now have clarity in so many other areas of my life as I am not bogged down by this destructive tendency. I broke out of the pattern and clung onto what is REAL and what is TRUE, and for the first time in my life as far as I can remember...I LOVE myself and I feel LOVED. God loves me and THAT is what matters. And now I am able to leave the door open for a man to love me, actually love me, not my body, not my sex...but ME. 

So the next time you turn your nose up at the girl everyone is talking about...try loving on her...chances are she is just as lost as I once was. And if you are that girl...I say STOP...it is NEVER too late to change....STOP turn to God and realize you are worth more. Value yourself and save yourself. 

Engraved on the outside:True Love Waits
(1 Timothy 4:12)
Engraved on the inside: A New Creation

Sex is not an easy subject, no one wants to talk about the consequences or mistakes. You look in the media and its glorified everywhere. So no one wants to talk about the uglies, but everyone wants to talk about how wonderful it is. It is wonderful, in the confines of marriage, anything else, you are just giving yourself away little by little and digging your own self hatred grave and preparing to lay in it alive. Put the shovel down and get real with your soul. It is time to be proud of your purity and quit lying to yourself. Just because it feels good does not make it right! You know what I am talking about, chances are most of you reading this right now have that nasty sting in your gut...listen to it and turn from it. I did...so can you!

Let's talk about the girl the flirts with the boys and is looking for love in all the wrong places, let's talk about the girl who faced consequences and made bad choices...but most of all....let's talk about the girl that was set free, changed and forgiven...let's talk about the girl you do not have to be anymore or never have to become! 

What do you think about sex? can you even talk about it? as always leave a comment or send an email. would love to hear your stories. 

Blessings
Jessie 
XOXO

1 Timothy 4:12

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.

Proverbs 5:3-5, 9:17-18

The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave… To those without good judgment, she says, `Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!’ But the men don’t realize that her former guests are now in the grave.