100% FAITH!!!!

So...a moment of honesty... I think I was waiting to write this particular subject matter so that once again I could share a moment of trial and then reveal some big awesome "ah ha! look how awesome it ended up turning out" moment for you all. Seems to be a pattern recently that I am thrown with life trials leading me into the unknown outcome of the, oh so pleasant waiting and trust game.

Faith...100% faith.  what does that look like to you?

For me... I think I am finally actually realizing how legit it is...to have complete 100% faith in God that it will all work out and he will provide. Here's the deal... I lost my job a couple weeks ago. I wish I could tell you that I was like OK! no worries! God is awesssssooooome! And then went jumping and prancing in fields of flowers with joy knowing everything was going to be OK. It wasn't, not at first. When I first got the news I had quite the "WWF Battle of Voices"going on in my head.

One voice said:  "there is more for you out in the world, trust me I will carry you through these hard times just trust me."

The other voice said:  "see you are a loser, you cannot keep a job, you have no money, you will never amount to anything."

I had to make a conscious choice on which voice to listen to. I had to overcome my natural tendency to lean to the bad outcome and look at the good.  I of course chose the good and began to faithfully trust God.

Adcox -made special race gear

I automatically assumed..sweeet! it will all work out so smoothly now i just have to beliiiieeeveee!!!!! yet it seems like it has actually been one thing after another! I signed up for a 15K race that took place last Sunday. Me and my best friend were tackling another "crazy why not do it Adcox goal" together.  This would be the farthest either of us had ever ran. I made special outfits for us it was gonna be so awesome!!!!! And with the new found extra time on my hands I was able to take my training up a notch, and was so totally stoked at how easy it was. This was gonna be the BEST RACE EVER! Then I got sick, and before I knew it I was at the doctor's office, and the entire week prior to the race I was unable to train. I refused to get discouraged, took care of my body took my medicine no big deal right? But, then the night before the race I just couldn't sleep. I was struggling with the recent death of a friend and just couldn't sleep.  By the time the morning came I had only one hour of sleep and I was faced again with another decision. What a great excuse, I have been sick all week, haven't had any sleep, made sense to go back to bed and sleep rather than go to church and sing in choir. then came the voices again...

One voice said: "trust me I will carry you through it and prove you can do all things through me. I will give you strength..go to church you need to be there"

the other voice said: "ahhh screw church the race is more important you need sleep go back to bed, in fact forget the race just get some sleep you are sick after all."

One text later from my best friend reminding me of my own advice "no excuses" I was in the shower getting ready for church. And man am I glad I did! it was an amazing rejuvenating experience I definitely needed. and when we sang the words "you make all things work together for my good" I just knew, I knew I was going to be OK and I also knew that I fully 100% believed it and really understood what it meant to have this unending, never failing faith.

Kendra and me after finishing the 15K race!

I went on to finish the 15K race with my best friend, together we triumphed and smashed another goal. Once again all the odds were against me; I was sick, un-rested, and let me tell you I did not feel well one bit, my mind was going a million miles a minute with all the other "stuff" going on trying to distract me, but with God and his strength I got through it.  And not just scraping by, I got through it...with joy...the whole time me and Kendra were praying for each other and singing at the top of our lungs "B B B B Bennie and the Jettttsssss" It was one of those experiences you can't make up and will never forget. I wasn't even sore the next day and even ran another 5K race two days later. And I almost missed out on all of it. I am so thankful for the right voices and friends like Kendra to remind me to listen to them.

Most of all what I took away from this experience relates back to my current job situation. If I can achieve a goal like that with so many obstacles in my way then I can certainly handle not having a job, eating potatoes for dinner for the 3rd time this week and being short on money.  You may be thinking, how does that even compare??? Well its easy, see when I wanted to give up I didn't, I trusted God and he saw me through.  Just as he will now. So yes I will eat my potatoes, and I will smile, and sing and dance around my apartment not knowing what my future holds, where I am going to end up career wise, if I will be able to pay my bills, or even if I will have food to eat tomorrow. I KNOW it will all work out and this is temporary. 

My favorite line from the songs we sang last weekend is "There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning." bring it on night...can't wait for the morning! And in the mean time I will smile through the pain.  I 100% Trust God with it all and I know he will provide! After all...what good does crying about it do? I have had the best couple weeks of my life, that very well could be looked at as the worst couple weeks. I lost my job, i got sick, a friend died...heavy stuff...yet I chose. I do not worry and I am unafraid! The one and only thing getting me through each day and maintaining my joy is God.

I will stay diligent and continue to apply for jobs, take my medicine until it's gone, work through my grief process regarding my friend, and do all the necessary things that are in my power to control. There is no room for lazy. but the things that I cannot control...let them come and let them go. After all, it's God's plan not mine and I know and 100% believe that no matter what, He will take care of me. Doesn't seem like a fight now does it? Just  a ride i have the pleasure of being on. Man life is so good.

what challenge are you facing today? Are you worried about the simple things in life that you can't control or are you spending your energy following the right voices and having that 100% FAITH in life that no matter what God will provide? Let me encourage you today if you are not...step back and pray...listen to the right voice and most of all TRUST it. 
leave a comment or send me an email with your stories. would love to hear from you.

Blessings!

XOXO

Jessie

Psalms 13:5 
But I have trusted in your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.

Proverbs 28:26 
He that trusts in his own heart is a fool: but whoever walks wisely, he shall be delivered.

Resentment...what is holding you back?

So the other day I was informed that my ex boyfriend is getting married next month. We ended our relationship about 10 months ago and to say the least... it wasn't a very pretty process. In fact I have carried this burden around for the past 10 months all the while claiming "I don't care... he was never good enough for me anyways". But when I heard that news my heart sank, I even had to hold back tears. I couldn't figure out why this was bothering me so much...I mean I truthfully AM better off and happy now but yet I found myself bawling in the bathroom at work ALL DAY! I just couldn't figure it out... so I just prayed and prayed.

See... we humans are so funny and foolish; especially after breakups and conflicts in any relationship. Our pride becomes the center and all else revolves around it. Think about it...you start with the name calling, putting the other person down...why? To make yourself feel better. You relive all the hurtful things they did to you... why? Because it's easier to remember the pain, and hate the person so that you can convince yourself that you are indeed.. better off and better than.

This is what I have been doing for the past 10 months. All of it... I just wanted to be right and him to be wrong so I did all that, over and over and over. I was hurting and thought it made me feel better...but I was wrong. I found myself battling with this rather frequently and would end up in church and a song or the message would strike a nerve, I would cry and pray and give it to God... and then I would feel better...for a while. Then it would sneak back up on me and I was right back there again, name calling, reliving, blaming, and lying to myself claiming to "be over it". It was like the invisible rock in your shoe... you feel it, you take your shoe off, shake it out, put it back on... rock gone and you keep on walking. Then you wear those shoes like three more times and all of a sudden, there is that darn rock again! And you swear you shook it out!

That rock represents resentment for me. In this particular situation I was so caught up in my own pride and need to want to be right and look better, that I was completely blowing over the real issue and source of my pain. It was seemingly easier to hate my ex and think and talk bad about him than it was to just realize how much better off we both are and to just be happy for him. Regardless of what happened in our relationship, or who was right, or who was wrong...I was just missing the whole point and spending all my energy hating someone when I should be loving and forgiving them.

Why should i love and forgive someone who busted my heart into a million pieces you ask? I say why not? I spent 10 months resenting someone and in one single moment of prayer when i decided to love him and be happy for him and his soon to be wife...then and only then was I FINALLY free and healed from it!

As I have said so many times before...it's just not about me. And Love is and always should be the only way. Jesus loves me and THAT is what REALLY matters. All that other junk only drags you down and prevents you from knowing and feeling real true love.

Who are you mad at today? What are you hanging onto? Did somebody do you wrong and does it make you feel better to think and speak ill of them? People don't! Just don't! LOVE everyone like Jesus and pray for those who have hurt you.

I wasted 10 months on resentment and found myself on the bathroom floor at work FINALLY realizing all I had to do was love them, be happy for them, praise God for always knowing better than I, and fully trust his agenda and plan. I should have faith that no matter how butt hurt I get when things don't go my way or when people hurt me...it's all real simple...IT'S NOT ABOUT ME... and resentment gets me nowhere but down.

If you are struggling with this. Pray. Be honest with yourself and with God and pray for that person, let it go... dig into that shoe and hand pick the rock out... don't just shake it out and assume and hope it's gone... get real with yourself and make a conscious decision to love. It will set you free! It did for me.

Leave a comment or send an email if you have thoughts or stories of resentment to share. Would love to hear about it.

Blessings

XOXO

Jes

Job 5:2

Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.

Ephesians 4:31,32

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.