God has been so good to me and as part of His molding and changing me He has blessed me beyond measure and gave me a new name.
“I Am Changed” for full post click here
“I’ll never forget the moment my life changed. I still remember what row and exact chair I
was sitting in. My friend made me go to church on a Saturday night
in January of 2012. Quite honestly, it was the last place I wanted to be.
When Pastor Rick asked those who wanted to get right with God to raise their hands, I
didn't just raise mine; I ran up to the front, desperate for something different in my life. I
discovered Jesus was the only answer. I gave my heart to Christ that night and, with it, I
surrendered control of my life. I was baptized the following weekend.
While I was in the water and my video testimony played, Pastor Bruce told me, “You
are part of a new story Jes. The old is gone and you are new.” These words are forever
ingrained in my soul. The idea that I could actually be free from my past still brings me
to tears. When I went in the water I let go of my past and came up feeling new. Pastor
Bruce was right.”
It is almost hard to believe this was over three years ago. I recently began a new job and I was taken back by the questions they asked me in my series of interviews. When I was asked what was the number one achievement in my life… this was the moment I shared. This will always be my number one achievement in life...it was when my life truly began.
“It doesn't matter… It’s in the past” for full post click here
“Until I met Jesus and accepted Him in my heart I did not know myself. See, things in this world can damage a person. They damaged me. Haunting memories of my past mistakes led me to believe I was unworthy and did not deserve to be loved. I honestly believed that each time I messed up, I received a “bad-girl” notch in my "headboard of life". I believed I was “damaged goods” and hated myself. You ever feel that way? You ever do something so out of the ordinary and then consume yourself with so much hatred that you couldn't even look in the mirror? I have. I admit it. I am human and I made a LOT of mistakes in my life.”
This is a constant battle for me still. It is so easy to dwell on things I did or things that have happened it me or to get caught up in what other people still think about things I did years ago or even things i did days ago. But i am learning more and more every day to just let it go. It really doesn’t matter...when it is in the past… as long as you are learning from it. And thankfully I LOVE to learn! This helps me focus on the promises of tomorrow and not on the errors of yesterday. Some days are easy and almost error free and some days are tough and I feel like I can’t get anything right. But I know that each day presents itself with a new chance to strive for more and I try to focus on that.
“I Am Changed” for full post click here
Today I was thinking about CHANGE...man I used to fear that word and everything associated with it. To CHANGE meant to get uncomfortable and step outside my box. The thing is, my box used to contain items such as, laziness, excuses, bad habits, poor decision making, and a bunch of darkness. Isn’t it funny how that box did not contain anything good but it seemed easier to stay put? I have been told that people don’t change until they get uncomfortable enough with their current situation that they are forced to change. Even bad things can seem more comfortable but only because you get used to it. Soon you are living in a vicious cycle of darkness feeding darkness and bad feeding bad; but hey to change means to challenge yourself and step out of your zone. In order to do that it would take effort! Why not wait until you have no choice but to move in a different direction because you are so dang miserable? So why even try…right? WRONG!
My most favorite thing now is to feel uncomfortable. I learned that if I am facing my fears and challenging myself into a positive direction it is not going to feel good at first. In fact, in most cases, it just plain sucks…a LOT. But the end result is so triumphant and glorious! Knowing I overcame something is one of the biggest joys in my life!
Even today I am learning how easy it is to step back into that box and close the lid. It is so easy to not stick to the nutrition plan, to not make the effort to show my husband I love him, to not call or text the friend on my heart, etc...etc… It takes effort and being intentional and an every day recognition that I will feel uncomfortable today IF I want to grow.
“Let’s Talk About Sex...” for full post click here
It has been over a year now since I have had sex and I have made the commitment to wait until marriage before having sex again. See, I am worth more, so I vow not only for God, but for my future husband and also...for myself...because I am worth it.
I now lean on God for definition of who I am and to feel loved and I am in constant awe of how amazing it feels to be pure in body, mind, and spirit. I now have clarity in so many other areas of my life as I am not bogged down by this destructive tendency. I broke out of the pattern and clung onto what is REAL and what is TRUE, and for the first time in my life as far as I can remember...I LOVE myself and I feel LOVED. God loves me and THAT is what matters. And now I am able to leave the door open for a man to love me, actually love me, not my body, not my sex...but ME.
Of all things, this is what I am happiest and most thankful for. Sex was such a problem for me in the past and was almost an iconic thing that at one point I figured I would just fall back into and mess up again. It was through God’s strength that I was able to maintain my purity and save myself, my new self, for my husband on our wedding night. Nothing will ever take that moment away from me, from us. I will forever be grateful for our decision and God’s provision for us to wait to have sex.
There is so much I want to include in my “favorite” past posts. But.. let’s be honest… this is long enough already. Thank you to my faithful readers and support of friends and family. Thank you to my best friend, my husband Henry for your encouragement and push to finally start writing again. And most of all… Thank you God for giving me things to share. Please continue to follow my journey in my next chapter on my new page Jessie Bull.
Blessings,
xoxo
Jessie
