I don't normally like to discuss my health issues. Funny, because it used to be the center of every conversation I had. I realized not too long ago that this was a tactic for attention and have since made a conscious effort to break this habit. But today I'm stepping out of that but not for attention.... I will say it once, do not pity me or feel sorry for me. The details I am about to share are for a greater purpose and have nothing to do with me.
In order for you to understand why this has nothing to do with me, first I need to describe what I have been going through. I'm gonna be real straight here too... I have some serious gastrointestinal problems. I'm not just talking about a little tummy ache either. I have what has been diagnosed as Fructose Malabsorbtion. Never heard of it huh? Neither did I until 2 months ago. Basically, my body doesn't absorb fructose so it sits in my intestine and ferments. This releases a bunch of gasses and causes some extreme symptoms. I'm talking serious pain, discomfort, bloating, altered body image issues, constipation, and diarrhea...to name a few. I'm learning now that a lot of my past "complaints" may be linked to this as well.
Let me paint a picture for you... and I apologize in advance for the boldness in this description for those of you like me that don't even like the word poop... I'm sorry but it is what it is. When I say bloating I'm talking HUGE like I look pregnant, seriously... no exaggeration. And try not pooping for days at a time... like 5 or 6 days and then all of a sudden an explosion in your guts and bam! It won't stop coming out! I mean seriously I am 31 years old and at times I think I have pooped my pants more than my 3 year old niece. So there I am feeling "full of shit", fat, in pain, gassy, and I poop my pants. I know your possibly thinking wow really?... ew...why would she even tell people that?! it is gross but it's my reality. And the pain associated with all this... I can't even describe it, but I think you get the point.
I have lived my whole life this way. Doctor after doctor telling me I have IBS and prescribing medication after medication that yielded no relief, combined with my lack of concern for my own well being left me ignoring the problem and just "living with it".
That all changed a few months ago. When I met Christ and allowed God to show me what real self worth is I began to realize this is not normal and needs to change.
I went to the doctor and it was a bit of a fight there. They wanted to label me with IBS and prescribe a laxative and send me on my way. I knew this was not OK. They wouldn't listen to me when I expressed my concern and just kept telling me it's IBS. A year ago I would have accepted this and tried the medication for a month or so and then just let it be.
Not this time.
Now that I know I am worth more and there is better to be found, I finally trusted that little voice in me that has always said "there's more to it than this, dig deeper, find answers". And you know what I did? I waited on hold for an hour after demanding a referral to a specialist. I demanded, in a polite way, that they listen to me and we find the real problem. I stuck up for myself! And in a tactful way! No tantrum or scene. And three weeks later... boom! Root cause...fructose!
Another thing you need to know is that I used to be queen excuse maker and I had to fight my learned tendencies to not "excuse make" after being diagnosed. And talking about it is hard, food is the center of a LOT of social events and fellowship so naturally it comes up. I'm still figuring that out.
The diagnosis has been just the beginning of all new struggles. Do you know how hard it is to not eat fructose? It's in everything! Fruit, veggies, most anything processed... the list goes on and on.
But I'm ok with that... the hardest part for me has been that for two months I have been following what is supposed to be a fructose free diet and I don't feel better. Not one bit. And I'm exhausted. Missing out on a LOT of nutrients has made me feel even more unhealthy. Some days I want to scream, cry, and carry my bad mood around... like really bad... I want to pout and make excuses, stay in bed and just be sick. BUT I DON'T. And why don't I? I mean I have a pretty good reason to not feel well and allow myself to be "sick" right?
Wrong.
Yes I'm miserable, but you would never know. Unless your my best friend and have the luxury of hearing my daily "poop stories" you would never know. And here is the greater purpose part I mentioned earlier. It's simple... Jesus loves me. Nothing else matters. Not even this. Ya it sucks to not wear my favorite clothes at times because my belly is too bloated. And the whole poop thing... ya, ew. But it just doesn't matter. I have blind faith. It sucks now, it sucks big time, and it's not what I want for my life or my body. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! And thank God it's not! It's about God and His son, my homeboy... Jesus. I know and believe it will get better whether God heals me or sends me solutions that work, I believe He will! And I will own up and do my part every day. I will take action on my end and stay diligent, follow the diet, listen to my body, go back to the doctors and make sure everything possible in figuring this out is connected at all dots. But most importantly... I will not lose my joy! in fact I have become even more motivated in life because of this.
There are nights when I don't want to run because I'm so full of gas my belly is huge and it hurts, or there is the utmost worst fear that I may have to "go to the bathroom" while running.
But I run anyway.
I was angry on my way to church this morning, running late, in a hurry, behind schedule because I got stuck on the toilet, But I stopped myself, shut off the anger and let God fill me with joy and light and I worshipped my butt off! And I had a great day because of it! Even though I felt horrible, it was great! I watched the Packer game with friends, I ate some food (fructose free of course) and got to fellowship with two amazing new friends, and ya I still felt horrible the whole time... but I made new happy memories and my smile never left my face. And it's not a fake cover up smile... it's pure real joy. Why? I'll say it again... because it's not about me.
What is stealing your joy today? Are you allowing your own agenda to interfere with God's? Has something been put on your plate that you don't want to deal with?
I don't know where this will all lead; I'm scheduling a colonoscopy tomorrow to see if more is going on, and I actually was waiting for an end result to write about this. But then I realized the true beauty is in the unknown. Blind faith. God will take care of me and I am good NO MATTER WHAT. Instead of clinging to the what-ifs of it all... what if its crohns disease, what if it's cancer, what if I'll never eat fruit again, what if I crap my pants?! Guess what...
IT DOESN'T MATTER!
God knows what is best for me and it's his agenda not mine. It's up to me to never give up, keep my joy, and stay on top of it with persistence and follow through. The rest... will be just fine because that has been promised by God. So folks....please do yourself a favor and get off your agenda, quit being "sick" with the excuses of life and start living no matter your circumstances! As cliche as it sounds... Life is short, start living and live it right with God and NOTHING will be able to interrupt your joy and your journey.
I ask you again, What is stealing your joy today? Are you allowing your own agenda to interfere with God's? Has something been put on your plate that you don't want to deal with? Perhaps you don't have your dream job, or someone hurt you? Do you find yourself giving up on life when you don't "feel good" or your unhappy and unsatisfied with the process God is walking you through? Or are you fighting tooth and nail without ever losing your joy?
Leave a comment or send an email and tell me about your joyful journeys or struggles.
Be joyful always!
Blessings
XOXO
Jes
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
In order for you to understand why this has nothing to do with me, first I need to describe what I have been going through. I'm gonna be real straight here too... I have some serious gastrointestinal problems. I'm not just talking about a little tummy ache either. I have what has been diagnosed as Fructose Malabsorbtion. Never heard of it huh? Neither did I until 2 months ago. Basically, my body doesn't absorb fructose so it sits in my intestine and ferments. This releases a bunch of gasses and causes some extreme symptoms. I'm talking serious pain, discomfort, bloating, altered body image issues, constipation, and diarrhea...to name a few. I'm learning now that a lot of my past "complaints" may be linked to this as well.
Let me paint a picture for you... and I apologize in advance for the boldness in this description for those of you like me that don't even like the word poop... I'm sorry but it is what it is. When I say bloating I'm talking HUGE like I look pregnant, seriously... no exaggeration. And try not pooping for days at a time... like 5 or 6 days and then all of a sudden an explosion in your guts and bam! It won't stop coming out! I mean seriously I am 31 years old and at times I think I have pooped my pants more than my 3 year old niece. So there I am feeling "full of shit", fat, in pain, gassy, and I poop my pants. I know your possibly thinking wow really?... ew...why would she even tell people that?! it is gross but it's my reality. And the pain associated with all this... I can't even describe it, but I think you get the point.
I have lived my whole life this way. Doctor after doctor telling me I have IBS and prescribing medication after medication that yielded no relief, combined with my lack of concern for my own well being left me ignoring the problem and just "living with it".
That all changed a few months ago. When I met Christ and allowed God to show me what real self worth is I began to realize this is not normal and needs to change.
I went to the doctor and it was a bit of a fight there. They wanted to label me with IBS and prescribe a laxative and send me on my way. I knew this was not OK. They wouldn't listen to me when I expressed my concern and just kept telling me it's IBS. A year ago I would have accepted this and tried the medication for a month or so and then just let it be.
Not this time.
Now that I know I am worth more and there is better to be found, I finally trusted that little voice in me that has always said "there's more to it than this, dig deeper, find answers". And you know what I did? I waited on hold for an hour after demanding a referral to a specialist. I demanded, in a polite way, that they listen to me and we find the real problem. I stuck up for myself! And in a tactful way! No tantrum or scene. And three weeks later... boom! Root cause...fructose!
Another thing you need to know is that I used to be queen excuse maker and I had to fight my learned tendencies to not "excuse make" after being diagnosed. And talking about it is hard, food is the center of a LOT of social events and fellowship so naturally it comes up. I'm still figuring that out.
The diagnosis has been just the beginning of all new struggles. Do you know how hard it is to not eat fructose? It's in everything! Fruit, veggies, most anything processed... the list goes on and on.
But I'm ok with that... the hardest part for me has been that for two months I have been following what is supposed to be a fructose free diet and I don't feel better. Not one bit. And I'm exhausted. Missing out on a LOT of nutrients has made me feel even more unhealthy. Some days I want to scream, cry, and carry my bad mood around... like really bad... I want to pout and make excuses, stay in bed and just be sick. BUT I DON'T. And why don't I? I mean I have a pretty good reason to not feel well and allow myself to be "sick" right?
Wrong.
Yes I'm miserable, but you would never know. Unless your my best friend and have the luxury of hearing my daily "poop stories" you would never know. And here is the greater purpose part I mentioned earlier. It's simple... Jesus loves me. Nothing else matters. Not even this. Ya it sucks to not wear my favorite clothes at times because my belly is too bloated. And the whole poop thing... ya, ew. But it just doesn't matter. I have blind faith. It sucks now, it sucks big time, and it's not what I want for my life or my body. BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! And thank God it's not! It's about God and His son, my homeboy... Jesus. I know and believe it will get better whether God heals me or sends me solutions that work, I believe He will! And I will own up and do my part every day. I will take action on my end and stay diligent, follow the diet, listen to my body, go back to the doctors and make sure everything possible in figuring this out is connected at all dots. But most importantly... I will not lose my joy! in fact I have become even more motivated in life because of this.
There are nights when I don't want to run because I'm so full of gas my belly is huge and it hurts, or there is the utmost worst fear that I may have to "go to the bathroom" while running.
But I run anyway.
I was angry on my way to church this morning, running late, in a hurry, behind schedule because I got stuck on the toilet, But I stopped myself, shut off the anger and let God fill me with joy and light and I worshipped my butt off! And I had a great day because of it! Even though I felt horrible, it was great! I watched the Packer game with friends, I ate some food (fructose free of course) and got to fellowship with two amazing new friends, and ya I still felt horrible the whole time... but I made new happy memories and my smile never left my face. And it's not a fake cover up smile... it's pure real joy. Why? I'll say it again... because it's not about me.
What is stealing your joy today? Are you allowing your own agenda to interfere with God's? Has something been put on your plate that you don't want to deal with?
I don't know where this will all lead; I'm scheduling a colonoscopy tomorrow to see if more is going on, and I actually was waiting for an end result to write about this. But then I realized the true beauty is in the unknown. Blind faith. God will take care of me and I am good NO MATTER WHAT. Instead of clinging to the what-ifs of it all... what if its crohns disease, what if it's cancer, what if I'll never eat fruit again, what if I crap my pants?! Guess what...
IT DOESN'T MATTER!
God knows what is best for me and it's his agenda not mine. It's up to me to never give up, keep my joy, and stay on top of it with persistence and follow through. The rest... will be just fine because that has been promised by God. So folks....please do yourself a favor and get off your agenda, quit being "sick" with the excuses of life and start living no matter your circumstances! As cliche as it sounds... Life is short, start living and live it right with God and NOTHING will be able to interrupt your joy and your journey.
I ask you again, What is stealing your joy today? Are you allowing your own agenda to interfere with God's? Has something been put on your plate that you don't want to deal with? Perhaps you don't have your dream job, or someone hurt you? Do you find yourself giving up on life when you don't "feel good" or your unhappy and unsatisfied with the process God is walking you through? Or are you fighting tooth and nail without ever losing your joy?
Leave a comment or send an email and tell me about your joyful journeys or struggles.
Be joyful always!
Blessings
XOXO
Jes
1 Thessalonians 5:18
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:4
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
This is SO GOOD!!!! Like beyond good!!! I am so so proud of you Jessie!! Everyone needs to read this & really really take a look at their lives and see what they are allowing to affect their attitudes. Simply amazing. :)
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with Kendra! I so needed to read this yesterday. Love ya!
ReplyDelete