Let me tell you a story about a girl. She flirts with boys and uses her looks to get their attention. You know the girl, the one you call a slut and a whore. The one who everyone talks about and calls "easy". The girl who has a view of sex to be as meaningless as a handshake. new-age technology has made it easy for her to entice with picture texts and posting promiscuous pictures on social media. This girl would do anything to have the focus on her. Her body has become her canvas and tool to capture and maintain this spotlight. She jokes about how she is "judged" and how "a guy is a player" and "a girl is a hoe" and how it isn't right and her sexual freedom should be praised not condemned. We all know this girl. I know her all too well...I know her because...she used to be me.
I wish I could pinpoint when my thought process changed, but I really am not sure. All I know is that I found myself one day feeling like I didn't matter. I felt unloved and invisible. All I wanted was for people, especially men to pay attention to me and to like me. I just wanted to be loved.
When I was in highschool I started to notice that the boys paid attention to you if you talked about sex. And even more so if you actually did it. Now, I was against premarital sex so I figured it was ok if I just acted like I would do it, then I could get the attention. Little did I know that it just didn't work that way. Through the years of high school and college I learned a lot of hard lessons and got myself into constant situations I didn't really want to be in, yet never really fought my way out of them either. That is when sex became meaningless. All I wanted was to feel loved and get attention and I sure got it. But somehow felt worse every time. So then it became a cycle..try again, feel worse, try again feel worse. It just never got better yet I was stuck doing the same thing over and over and eventually my feelings of being unloved and invisible turned to worthlessness and disgust. I hated myself. So to cope, I kept seeking and kept acting as if sex was the answer.
I was so consumed with just wanting to feel loved I never thought about the consequences. I found myself in college and in yet another situation where I just wanted to feel important and feel loved. And I had a LOT going for me...I was successful in my competitive baton twirling career; capturing multiple State, Regional, National, and even one World Title. I was also twirling for my university...in most eyes I had it made! Yet I was dying inside. I was dying because I kept giving a little piece of myself away in my quest for love, each time...another piece...just given away, until there was almost nothing left. So here I was in the eyes of most; this happy-go lucky girl, successful, pretty, popular, people actually wanted to be me, looked up to me, and I was miserable. I was using sex as a tool for love, and instead...
I got pregnant by someone I barely knew. I was so consumed and selfish at this time in my life, I decided to have an abortion. Time went on, me and this guy dated for 3 years and I got pregnant again, and had another abortion.
I can't begin to tell you the turmoil these decisions caused me. I never hated anyone more then I hated myself. So I stuck with what I knew...sex got me attention and made me feel loved...right? So keep doing it right? WRONG! I ended up in a few very wrong relationships over the years. I got pregnant two more times and had miscarriages with both pregnancies.
I became somebody I couldn't even recognize. In a sandwich of self loathing and disparity to just feel loved I became so self centered and well...as someone once said to me...I was a sh*t show. I didn't know my head from my behind and it was just wrong decision after wrong decision after an even more horribly wrong decision. I was just a snowball out of control rolling at full speed down a mountain of "you suck" snow.
so lets talk about sex.
lets talk about the girl you call a slut and a whore, a murderer, a worthless pile of crap.
lets talk about me.
I spent way too much of my life in misery and "looking for love in all the wrong places" and honestly I am surprised i survived. Well I used to be...
Then I met Christ.
He saved me from myself and from my sexual sin that was slowly destroying me. He helped me see that I am loved, just the way I am. That no man on earth and no mistake from my past defines me and that if I just choose to lean on Him, He will fill me with his spirit and change my life. You call me a slut, a whore, a murderer, easy????
You can call me anything you want, because God...HE CALLS ME REDEEMED!
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| My Purity Ring; Symbolizes One year of purity, my commitment to God, my future husband and to myself |
I now lean on God for definition of who I am and to feel loved and I am in constant awe of how amazing it feels to be pure in body, mind, and spirit. I now have clarity in so many other areas of my life as I am not bogged down by this destructive tendency. I broke out of the pattern and clung onto what is REAL and what is TRUE, and for the first time in my life as far as I can remember...I LOVE myself and I feel LOVED. God loves me and THAT is what matters. And now I am able to leave the door open for a man to love me, actually love me, not my body, not my sex...but ME.
So the next time you turn your nose up at the girl everyone is talking about...try loving on her...chances are she is just as lost as I once was. And if you are that girl...I say STOP...it is NEVER too late to change....STOP turn to God and realize you are worth more. Value yourself and save yourself.
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| Engraved on the outside:True Love Waits (1 Timothy 4:12) Engraved on the inside: A New Creation |
Let's talk about the girl the flirts with the boys and is looking for love in all the wrong places, let's talk about the girl who faced consequences and made bad choices...but most of all....let's talk about the girl that was set free, changed and forgiven...let's talk about the girl you do not have to be anymore or never have to become!
What do you think about sex? can you even talk about it? as always leave a comment or send an email. would love to hear your stories.
Blessings
Jessie
XOXO
1 Timothy 4:12
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.
Proverbs 5:3-5, 9:17-18
The lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But the result is as bitter as poison, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave… To those without good judgment, she says, `Stolen water is refreshing; food eaten in secret tastes the best!’ But the men don’t realize that her former guests are now in the grave.
